Thy Will, My Sacrifice.

Hey y’all! 

I wanted to share a brief reaction to a few of the latest teaching moments we’ve received from my church. In the last couple of weeks PT and Pastors Pam and Ernest have taught about dealing with disappointments. I think these messages have been super impactful and gave great perspective on getting through tough times. I think the current state of the world and all things COVID have probably triggered some difficult times for many people, so it’s also very timely. But for me, even outside of COVID, I’ve actually been working through a different season of disappointment. A little over a month ago would have been William’s and my third anniversary of being married, so I’ve been missing what I felt like I should have had and it really just kicked off this season of disappointment for me. I had spoken with a couple of different friends at one point about how social media is often a highlight real where we end up sharing our mountain tops, but I wanted to take a moment to be a little transparent and share a little bit about my valley.

From our anniversary to Mother’s Day to now approaching a full year since his passing, I’ve been struggling to not sink into sadness. Add in that my line of work never really slowed down due to COVID, so the regular work stressors are still there, and I can’t plan an event to get all of my family and friends together to be in one space and support each other through this week the way that I would have liked to. It’s just been hard. I’ve been re-reading text messages and looking at old pictures and spending a couple of hours a day in tears.

Last week I spent so much time watching and re-watching Pastor Terry’s game plan for healing a disappointed heart (https://www.facebook.com/cccphila/videos/2984145118318244/). And while reflecting on my disappointment I was able to relate my valley to the steps that he outlined.

1. Conversation with God: My conversations with God through this have been simple, “God, I just miss him”.
2. Make space for God’s voice: I would fill my quiet moments with sermons and music sharing His love for me. 
3. Be open to his peace: I don’t know at what day things shifted or what exactly caused the shift, all I know is one day while I wept, the feeling in my heart was no longer an ache from missing Will but of fullness from loving Will. 
4. Maintain a healthy diet for your heart:  PT said “Don’t stay so distracted by the disappointment to where you can’t see what God is still doing”. The disappointment first brought me heartache, but on the other side of my disappointment God showed me how my heart has grown. My love for William still grows every day and as does my love for people in general. I’m more sensitive to what other people may be facing and I’m hungry for ways to help. I want to be the be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Despite my disappointments, the power of God has not halted in my life! I have some exciting projects that I’m working on with some people that I love dearly, and at the core of them I want to advance the Kingdom of Heaven. 

I just want to close by sharing a super quick prayer over anyone that’s made it to the end of my post – I pray that through any valley or season of disappointment you may pass through, that you find strength in God’s love for you, growth in your faith, and that you continue to press towards your mountain tops.

*To dig a little deeper and view more teaching moments on Healing a Disappointed Heart from CCCP, visit the church Facebook page and check out the Jesus Has Ascended – Now What series.