If you know me personally, you have likely already heard, but for those that may have been still awaiting the next developments – I’m happy to share that I received a promotion at work! I am thoroughly pleased with the “corporate” acknowledgement of my hard work and growth, and the opportunity to serve in a dual capacity: remaining technical but still gaining leadership responsibilities. It’s been a relief to have the whole process behind me, and it’s really been rewarding hearing from family, friends, and coworkers how proud or happy they are for me. It’s certainly a win, but it feels even better because it feels like a collective win rather than something I’ve gained alone.
From the surface it seems like I’ve arrived at this celebration season, where things are finally turning and looking up for me. However, I myself am cautious about viewing this period as such. Don’t get me wrong, I have been celebrating, and intend to continue celebrating all month and again whenever I can have a proper promotion party (if it’s not already a thing, I will be making it a thing…I’m telling you I’ve barely scratched the surface of sharing what it’s taken to get here)! But what only some people know at this point, is that this promotion is not the job that I applied for. In the season of waiting for updates on the position I applied for, God showed me areas that I need to separate my mindset, my values, and my leadership from the world and instead align with heaven’s perspective and adopt Jesus’ practice of servant leadership.
So instead of the season of celebration, I have internally deemed this the season for gratitude. In thinking through the organizational changes that left the position that I applied for unfilled, I am grateful that I ended up with something rather than nothing. By that I mean, instead of choosing the other candidate over me and leaving me with no career gain and likely much disappointment, I along with the other candidate have been promoted to share the duties and responsibilities of the position. I get the reward of the promotion and essentially have to do half of the work.
It would be remiss of me to not share that with the excitement that this promotion has brought, it also comes with many challenges. Learning to navigate new work relationship dynamics and essentially rebuilding a new team, all while keeping up with increased workloads just to name a few. To also provide a full view of my life at this point, I have a few personal challenges that I am working through all at the same time: trying to navigate personal relationships (how to love when it’s hard, where to invest my time and efforts, and coping with rejection), supporting my grieving toddler (she’s three now and has in my opinion a highly developed mind, so she’s already asking hard questions that I wasn’t expecting to face at least until she was in school), and entering the start of the holiday season once again without William.
Adding the transparency, you might now see why this doesn’t necessarily feel like a season of celebration for me. To allude back to my title, I am working hard to be intentional about guarding my heart this season and choosing to soak in gratitude.
Something I don’t talk about much these days, strictly out of fear of being “that person” that constantly refers to their “glory days” – I use to run track throughout high school and college. It was my passion for many years. I ran the 400, the quarter mile, 440…whichever you’d like to call it. This was my race – I loved it because I never felt like I was the fastest sprinter to be competitive in the short sprints, nor was I about the “logging miles” life. The 400 rather requires speed endurance and above all – it is a technical race. Perfect for the overthinker that I am! I could strategically plan out my race and execute. I would typically think of it as (4) sets of 100s: (1) get out fast, (2) maintain, don’t work too hard but don’t let up, (3) reaccelerate, (4) finish strong, dig deep, go back to the technicalities (on your toes, knees up, use your arms, breathe!
This season of gratitude that I am in is like my 4th 100 of the quarter mile. I’m going back to the technicalities of my race – strategically guarding my heart to reject anything attempting to disrupt my mission to love God and love people, anything looking to derail my peace, anything standing in the way of working towards unity of Christ’s people. The challenges at work nor the weight of this holiday season will not rule my emotions.
But there is another urgency before me now. I feel compelled to go to Jerusalem. I’m completely in the dark about what will happen when I get there. I do know that it won’t be any picnic, for the Holy Spirit has let me know repeatedly and clearly that there are hard times and imprisonment ahead. But that matters little. What matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God.
Acts 20:22-24 (MSG)
Obviously, my current struggles are not the same as Paul’s projected in this passage, but the gist of the message resonates with me. Wherever God sends me (in the workplace, in my family, etc.) I recognize that I am bound to encounter hardships and challenges. But that matters little. The setting is irrelevant because my assignment does not change. My purpose, everywhere I go, is to love God and love people. To mimic the heart of Christ and be salt and light to the world (Matt. 5:13-16).
My strategy to guard my heart this season takes me back to deepening my relationship with God. For me, that means spending quality time reading, praying, and praising. Using the wisdom that comes from experience, I am choosing to remove some things in order to fill those spaces with more of God. I’ll share here, as a means of holding myself accountable – I am charging myself to a 30 day fast from social media, from Thanksgiving to Christmas. To limit my distractions and access to content that highlights what I am missing in this season, so that I can instead focus on all that I have and the goodness of God.
I don’t know what specific challenges you may be facing in this season, perhaps the increasing COVID regulations restricting families to gather for the holidays, living in a nation divided politically, or the angst of the social and racial tensions are weights making this holiday season feel not so merry or celebratory. Would you consider refocusing you life to use this as a season to deepen your relationship with God, whatever that looks like for you? Comment below if you think you will or if you are interested in joining me on my Season of Gratitude Fast!