Thy Will, My Sacrifice.

Early Sunday morning, I had a beautiful dream! It came on the heels of me not really acknowledging William’s active involvement in raising Malia. I had recently shared my story, and of course, I credited Holy Spirit with leading me to heal and my family and friends serving as our village and really showing up to help me in taking care of Malia and supporting me to bloom in my career and in life altogether. But this dream reminded me that William isn’t “absent”. It reminded me to be mindful when speaking of William, to not say things like, “losing Will” or “he’s not here…” because I haven’t lost William. I just encounter and experience him differently now.

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor with Malia and Will was sitting at a table behind us. We were just there, enjoying time together as a family. I had leaned back to say something to Will, and then he got up and moved to a couch and sat closer to Malia. In true Malia fashion, she had walked over to him and was just talking his ear off about something. I don’t know exactly what she was saying to him, but I sat and watched them share this cute moment, laughing and talking together. At that point my eyes filled with tears as I leaned over Will’s lap and held his hand. Looking in his eyes, also filling with tears I said to him, “even though we don’t get to have you physically present the way that we all want, I’m so happy and grateful that I’m not doing this alone.”

I woke up to my closed eyes now filling with tears and my heart overflowing with love. It felt like a reminder for me that William is still very much active and present in raising his daughter and I think he got emotional (something that was out of character for Will) because I think he appreciated not being overlooked or forgotten and the acknowledgment of the beautiful relationship he and his princess have. I quickly grabbed my phone to make note of my dream, and then asked myself if I would share this. Honestly, my answer was no. It felt like a very special and intimate moment for my family, and I wanted to keep it that way. But here I am, awake and writing this post at 12:09 am the next morning, reminded of what my Pastor had recently highlighted to me: Revelations 19:10 (in part) “…The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

In the video linked below, this scripture has been explained in this way, “A testimony is a spoken or written record of any of God’s activities in our lives…The testimony of Jesus prophesies to the people who hear, what God is willing to do for them.” I’m sharing this special moment that my God has blessed me to receive for my heart and my family with this purpose – to ask him to do it again.

I don’t know what or whom you may be grieving, or where you are in your healing journey, but my prayer is that you find peace in knowing that God will provide comfort in ways you cannot even imagine. Approaching now two years since William’s passing, I can look back and see how I have literally never been alone through this journey. Every need has been met, I have been covered and supported by family and friends, and carried by Holy Spirit through the moments that felt impossible. If he did it for me, he can do it for you!

Father, I pray over your beloved child reading this right now – Lord may you flood their life with your presence. Make it plain God. Leave no space for doubt or question that you love them and desire their heart. Give them signs and visions of the freedom that you have for them. I pray for their community, their village; may you open our hearts and minds for how we can be your hands and feet to actionably support them Lord. I honor you and celebrate God, because in Jesus’ name, it’s done! Amen.